Don Antonio God grant that the interlude may reflect
the good intentions of the actors!

Muñoz It will be marvellous,2030
because our neighbour,
the barber, is dancing—and how!

Cristina Everyone get ready—we’re coming out! ³⁷

Marcela Have the musicians arrived?

Cristina They’re tuning up.2035

Torrente You seem at little the worse for wear, Ocaña.

Ocaña When I’m like this my judgement is at its peak.
You don’t know how the heat of wine
awakens dead and dormant spirits.
I’m in the mood to fight a hundred men,2040
without taking even a little step back!

Cardenio The beginning is not bad.

Muñoz Not bad? I’d say
it is the best thing in the world!
I wrote half of it.2045

Torrente Is this where we go on Ocaña?

Ocaña I cannot make it out.
My vision is a little blurred.
Stop when you hear music. ³⁸

Torrente Listen! Cristina2050
and Dorotea are coming out. ³⁹

Ocaña I’m dead tired.

Dorotea Tonight, my dear Cristina,
I’m going to dance until I drop.

Cristina And I’m going to leap until I explode!2055
Aguedilla, the tailor’s wife, is late.

Dorotea Did she tell you she was coming?

Cristina Yes, and so is Julianilla,
the woodcarver’s wife,
with Sabinica,2060
who serves the hermitess
in Cantarranas.

Dorotea All of them are fine dancers.
When they’ve done the dishes they’ll come.

Cristina Like us, who leave everything spick and span.2065
I don’t worry about supper—
my master has two newly laid eggs, and amen.

Dorotea Mine never dines—he’s asthmatic—
and after two mouthfuls of jam,
he crosses himself and goes to bed.2070

Cristina And your mistress? What does she do?
Doesn’t she go to bed?

Dorotea You must be joking!
Kneeling in an oratory, she prays
until two hours after matins.2075

Cristina My mistress is also holier than thou.
Unfortunately for us, they’re both like saints.

Dorotea But isn’t it better that they are my dear?

Cristina No! You’re well wide of the mark!
If they were slipshod in their morals,2080
they might perhaps stumble here and there
and fall from grace;
and, knowing about their sweethearts,
we would have the upper hand
They would be the kitchenmaids2085
and we would be the ‘big mammas’,
as they say in Tuscany.

Dorotea You’re right: a mistress
whose indiscretions are known to her servant,
fearing that her pleasures might be made public,2090
doesn’t dare to shout at her,
nor criticise her carelessness,
and woe betide her if she tries!

Cristina Have you seen the shoes worn by Lorenza,
who serves that lawyer with the crooked mouth?2095
Do you know who gave them to her?

Dorotea A lay-cleric cousin of her’s, who’s a saint!

Cristina Oh Dorotea, you do like to canonize them!

Dorotea Listen, the musicians are playing,
and that great dancer the barber is coming out. ⁴⁰ 2100

Muñoz Good God! The interlude is heavenly!

Ocaña That old man is annoying me.
I bet I’m going to have to give him a slap.

[Musicians] [singing] The best of the dancers is our barber,
light on his feet with a good sense of rhythm,2105
fit to dance before a king,
and that’s not all,
since he has wings in his feet
and quicksilver in his body.
He steps, scurries, jumps and runs2110
hither and thither like a thunderbolt.
The kitchenmaids adore him
and the lads respect him.

Ocaña Listen! Pay attention!
I don’t like these steps—2115
all these backflicks and high kicks.
Play some seguidillas,
and let’s be having you,
and watch you play by the rules—
you won’t catch me napping! ⁴² 2120

Muñoz Can anyone like Ocaña be of this world?
Can the heavens boast of such a footman?

Barber Be quiet! Let’s segue to a seguidilla. ⁴³

Cristina Yes, my friend! So we can dance!

Musicians Mother, oh mother,2125
you place guards on me.
If I do not guard myself,
you will guard me badly. ⁴⁴

Torrente Oh yes! Jesus Christ!
It’s modern, sweet-sounding, pretty,2130
easy on the ear and romantic. ⁴⁵

Musicians They say it is written,
and with good reason,
that privation provokes appetite
Love imprisoned grows infinitely.2135
Therefore it is better
that you don’t lock me up:
If I do not guard myself…

Ocaña I’ve already told them to dance
in a controlled and polite way.2140
I don’t like them drinking in the girls’ breath.

Barber Leave us alone, footman,
if you value your life.
Here we’ll do what we like.

Ocaña Dance then—I’ll see you later.2145

Musicians The power of love is such
that it turns the most beautiful girl
into a chimera.
Her heart melts, desire burns,
her hands tingle and her legs give way.2150
If I don’t guard myself…

Torrente I don’t like these spins and flourishes either.
It’s a courtship dance,
and the trills in the music
are like tremors of love.2155

Musicians [spoken] You footmen should clear off
and leave us alone! ⁴⁶

Ocaña Shut up and sing, you little fake.
We’ll stay here just to spite you!

Musicians Touché! Let us sing!2160
[singing] Whoever is used to amorous ways
is drawn like a >moth to a flame,
even if they put many guards on her,
and even if they do more than you propose.
If I do not guard myself…2165

Torrente Not so many fancy steps,
you disgusting stick-insect.
Dance seriously and properly,
you lizard in a starched shirt.

Dorotea Begone, you wine-cellar on legs!2170
We don’t know you here.
Shut up or clear off,
you smell like a Galician footman!

Muñoz These jibes do indeed have qualities
that are knightly, noble, pleasing,2175
original and hilarious.

Ocaña I want to dance with Cristina

Torrente Not without my consent.
Doesn’t señor Ocaña remember
that she gave me her handkerchief2180
and that I have control over her,
on the strength of being her suitor,
and that the sun’s rays won’t touch her,
if I have anything to do about it? ⁴⁷

Ocaña And doesn’t señor Ocaña know2185
that I’ll dance with the Archbishop of Toledo,
if the fancy takes me?

Cardenio Aren’t we going to see any more of the dance?

Ocaña No. First we’re going to see
the bravery, revenge2190
and boldness of Ocaña!

Torrente You’ve cut off my nose!
Take this for a riposte!
That’ll teach you to
fiddle while Rome burns!2195

Muñoz He’s stabbed him!
What a sorry end to the farce and its main author!
But I did not plan it this way,
nor write such things in my verses.

Barber Poor Ocaña is run through!2200

Marcela Heavens!

Barber I will staunch their wounds—
that’s what barbers are for. ⁴⁸

Dorotea My mistress is fainting!

Don Antonio This is all my fault, since I knew2205
that Ocaña is always drunk. ⁴⁹

Barber Compresses, burlap, needles!
Bring me egg-whites!

Cardenio Flee, you odious traitor!
Flee! You have killed him!2210

Torrente See if you can find my nose.
Without it I won’t take
one step outside the house.

Cardenio You’ve killed him! Go!

Torrente I don’t want to!2215

Dorotea Oh my poor señora!

Don Antonio You two carry her in there.
See who’s knocking at the door.
They’re breaking it down! What’s all this?

Don Francisco I’ll wager it’s the law officers,2220
responding to the pitiful cries
of these young ladies. ⁵⁰

Cristina [aside] I think what has happened is good,
but then, I would not shed a tear
if I saw my own father dead.2225
What is more, in this way I’m revenged
on these two blind, importunate,
foul-mouthed, roguish, poor
and, as you can see from all this,
extremely villainous lovers.2230

Officer Whose guitar is this?

Constable There’s blood here. What’s all this?

Torrente It’s me, without a nose.

Ocaña And me, about to die.

Officer Let no one leave!2235
Close the doors at once!

Muñoz We’ll have to go.

Dorotea Where to?

Muñoz To gaol, at the very least.

Don Antonio Have you thrown water on her face?2240

Dorotea She’s already coming round.

Constable What we will do?
Must they all go to gaol?

Officer First I must know what happened.

Torrente Will they send me to Turpia ⁵¹ on the galleys?2245
I’ll be the ugliest oarsman on the ship!

Ocaña If only my funeral were as far off!
Insert the probe.
Careful! More gently,
and more probingly!2250

Barber He’s taken two measures. ⁵²

Ocaña If I’ve had a skinful,
why the fuss about
two measures more or less?

Constable Let’s look for this nose.2255

Torrente Steady on! Stop!
I don’t trust your big feet.
You’re treading on it.
If it ends up a snub nose
we’ll have to straighten it.2260

Constable I can’t see your nose on the floor.

Torrente True. Because I’ve got it here!

Muñoz A miracle! What a miracle!

Ocaña You, kind barber,
tentatively inserted the probe2265
into the neck of a wineskin.

Don Antonio So this was all a sham?

Ocaña Yes sir.

Don Antonio Good God! I have a mind
to turn illusion into reality! ⁵³ 2270
Drawing swords, where women are present!

Torrente Good sir! You take his high spirits very badly.

Don Antonio You are an imbecile!

Officer Then this is all a joke?

Ocaña All this is a joke now,2275
but later it will come true.

Cardenio What a clever ruse!

Don Francisco By God! The confidence trick
was one of the best I’ve ever seen!

Dorotea Shall we dance some more?2280

Cristina Yes let’s!

Marcela No! I am beside myself with shock,
and wish to recover
from such a stressful incident.

Don Antonio You should retire, sister.2285

Marcela [to Cri. & Dor.] You come with me.

Torrente Let us announce peace
with an extravagant flourish!

Officer I’m pleased it’s all a comedy
and not a tragedy, and thus,2290
with your permission, my good sirs,
I’ll return to my rounds.

Cardenio It was a clever trick,
Ocaña and Torrente,
and the way it was performed2295
was extremely convincing

Muñoz The beginning was mine,
but not the development.
The Peruvian and Ocaña
have got the devil in them.2300

Ocaña Look at the wound
where the barber put his probe!
The deeper it is,
the greater the promise
of long life and well-being.2305

Torrente I’d like to ask again,
my esteemed groundlings,
who wins the prize
in the matter of the exchanged handkerchiefs?
Consider it afresh—2310
you’ll see us here again
with more probing questions
and better interludes.
And remember I’m Torrente,
the Peruvian, no less,2315
and I’ll give you forests of silver
and mountains of gold.

Ocaña Brothers, I’m Ocaña,
a footman, but not Galician!
I know how to raise a cup2320
and be generous with my friends.