The Diversion
Act I
[Scene 7]
Enter Muñoz
Muñoz
Awake and asleep,
I am always thinking of the moment700
when I change my coat,
and when my guiding star might desire
that the great tailor and his flannel
remedy my ruin.
I gave them the inventory and,705
foreseeing the multitude
of suspicions it might provoke,
gave them the cleverest answers
to the trickiest questions,
but nonetheless it weighs on me710
to have pledged my assistance in this way,
because I think the enterprise is dangerous.
Enter Don Antonio, and Torrente, dressed as a pilgrim
Don Antonio
It is excessive delicacy
rather than propriety,
and he has not shown much faith in me.715
God, I am embarassed.
Muñoz
[aside]
Bloody hell! What’s this disguise?
I did not put that in the list.
Torrente
I tell you, señor don Silvestre de Almendárez
could not do otherwise.720
His hand was forced.
The storm obliged us to lighten the ship
and throw overboard
what the sea collected
in its ample belly.725
It sucked in, like two eggs,
fourteen thousand pieces of pure gold.
Promises and prayers flew up to heaven
more quickly than the clouds
that then obscured the sun.730
One of these prayers
was sent by don Silvestre
to the citadel on high
with such vibrant and tender feelings
that it penetrated the casing of the heavens.
14
735
In it he vowed to walk barefoot
the pilgrimage of Rome
that is called the Seven Churches
if God delivered him from danger.
He included me in his promise,740
a superfluous addition,
although in part good,
since I am his staff and protector.
At last we reached dry land,
naked, stripped of everything,745
I don’t know where or how.
The sea had swallowed everything,
including a parakeet we had with us,
of such rare ability, and so intelligent
that he lacked nothing750
apart from being able to talk.
Don Antonio
You have certainly sung its praises,
though I think mute parakeets are not worth much.
Torrente
It told us everything
it wished us to know by signs.755
Muñoz
A miracle!
Muñoz
Amongst these odds and ends,765
did the flannel end up in the sea?
Torrente
And the tailor and everything.
Muñoz
[aside]
This is going very badly.
This storm does not offer me any port,
though it’s well suited to the deception.770
Don Antonio
In what latitude did the shipwreck occur?
Don Antonio
I said ‘latitude’, but I’m not surprised
that even now the storm disturbs you,775
nor that you may have slept through it.
Sometimes fear makes one very sleepy.
Muñoz
[aside]
He writes a devilishly good plot!
Torrente
The first stop was Guadalupe,785
the second the Virgin’s image at Illescus,
and the third Atocha.
He wanted to see you incognito
and depart this evening for Rome.
Now he’s in San Ginès, on his knees,790
his breast heaving a thousand sighs
and his eyes pouring out tender tears,
asking God to direct and guide him
in the promised holy journey.
I, sir, am feeling very tender in my feet,795
in which the hardest corns have taken root.
I wanted him to plan a fortnight’s rest
so that we might take a breather
and get some relief
before the new journey that awaits.800
What’s more, he’s also feeling very fragile,
and he could get so tired
that the journey—and his life—
might end at any moment.
If that came to pass it would be sad,805
because of the tremendous grief
that my lady doña Ana de Briones,
his mother, would feel.
Don Antonio
Let us go. I will remedy everything.
Torrente
You must not say that I have seen you, sir,810
because he will kill me if he knows.
Oh what a sinner I am! Here he comes!
He’s caught me in the net.
Answer in the negative, sir. If not I’ll die.
Don Antonio
Do not be afraid.815
Enter Cardenio, dressed as a
pilgrim
My good sir don Silvestre de Almendárez,
why conceal your presence from one
who is so obliged to serve you?
Cardenio
[to Tor.]
Oh traitor, misbegotten!
[to D. Ant.]
I swear this trickster820
is deceiving you señor.
I am not don Silvestre as you say,
but a poor pilgrim, and very poor at that.
Torrente
[to Car.]
Why are you looking at me?
I have not told him anything825
and I’d be lying if I said I had.
[aside to D. Ant.]
I swear it is the very same man
I told you about.
Don Antonio
Heavens above!
My cousin and master,830
by denying the truth
you are going too far.
What does it matter
if you come rich or poor
to my house, which is yours?835
Torrente
That’s just what I say,
whatever anybody else may think.
Don Antonio
Did you direct the winds?
Was it in your power to calm
the high waves of the stormy sea?840
Is it not madness to make into a case of honour
the fickle events of unstable fortune,
or, rather, of the immutable heavens?
Torrente
[to Car.]
Master, such obstinacy is beyond the pale.
Oh what the hell!845
[to D. Ant.]
Sir, this is don Silvestre de Almendárez,
Your cousin, the pilgrim, and,
what’s more, my master.
Cardenio
Since you have spilled the beans
I will not deny it.850
It is of no consequence.
[to D. Ant.]
Give me your hands sir.
Don Antonio
Dear cousin, take my arms and soul instead!
Cardenio
Take my arms too, and between them my soul
[to Tor.]
As your reward, I will make sure that855
everything you do turns out badly,
Torrente
I don’t fear misbegotten threats.
[aside]
What matters is our scheme.
Muñoz
[aside to Tor.] Hear,
hear!
Don Antonio
Have no fear that what has been said860
has caused any offence.
Torrente
My master is shrewd—he’ll soon see
how unimportant silence was in such a case.
Don Antonio
My dear cousin, let us go home,
and let your fiancé know865
of your safe and welcome arrival.
Cardenio
Your wish is my command.
Muñoz
[aside]
What a well-devised deception!
If we bring it off I expect
a goldmine of ingots and cash,870
like that place in Peru,
Po…Po…Po…Potosí
Torrente
What do you think, Muñoz?
Muñoz
Everything he said rings true to me.
Torrente
And how! Down to the last tiny detail!875
Exeunt Don Antonio, Cardenio and Torrente
End of Act I